The Lost Art of Longsuffering & Reasoning Together In a Home Church

I’ve been on both sides of the traditional church pulpit like many others have. I’ve also gathered in several different houses with others as a church. One thing I’ve noticed about us house church folks is how easily willing we are to part company. 

Most of us left a traditional church where we had some things in common with others. But in an independent house church, we may have little to nothing in common. And since we left before, it’ll be even easier to leave again.

I’m a grateful American man, Army veteran, and small business owner. I fully embrace the principles of self-reliance and rugged individualism. But I have to lay all that down at the feet of Jesus. The kingdom of God isn’t red, white, and blue; it’s righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost (Rom 14:17). God’s church is a “we” thing, not a “me” thing.

I remember wanting to leave the (traditional) church I was part of in Portland, Oregon, during a time of some personal turmoil. But the Lord said very clearly to me, “You’re not going anywhere.” So, against my will, I humbled myself and stayed in that church for another ten years. It would prove to be a wise decision because I received some of the most important spiritual training of my life there. It’s also where I met my wife.

From that perspective, may I offer some tips on how to stay together and grow as a church? 

Put Some Effort Into It

Instead of looking for the first reason to exit, look for the reason to stay, to serve, to learn, to grow, and endure. May we all adopt this attitude:

“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” - Ephesians 4:1-3

We truly have no idea what could be in store for us on the other side of adversity, disagreements, and personality clashes. If we’re too quick to bail, we might be forfeiting:

• The godly fellowship we crave 

• Wisdom we’re gonna need in situations to come

• Outlets to serve

• Iron to sharpen and to be sharpened by

• Understanding our gifts and how to edify the church

There is no perfect church because we’re all a little bent and broken. We all have blind spots and quirks that others have to get used to if we’re going to have any kind of relationship. But we’ll be rewarded if we at least make an effort and try. 

Avoid Contention and Debate

We can disagree without being contentious. Let’s be willing to hear someone out and learn as much as we want others to hear us out and learn. What’s that saying, “Two ears, one mouth?”

There’s also a time and place for everything. Some hot topics are best discussed over coffee outside the whole church gathering (Rom 14:1). But no matter how, when, or where, be humble, kind, and gracious. 

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” - 1 Cor 13:1-2

The tone we use and how we treat each other through conflict are as important as the topics we discuss. 

Here’s how the Bible describes Paul's communication style:

• Acts 17:2, “And Paul, as his manner was, went in unto them, and three sabbath days reasoned with them out of the scriptures,”
  
  

• Acts 18:4, “And he reasoned in the synagogue every sabbath, and persuaded the Jews and the Greeks.”

Can you be reasoned with? Can I be reasonable? These are important questions for those of us who call ourselves disciples of Christ and want the church in our houses to grow.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” - 1 Cor 13:4-7